Be Myself

To tell you the truth,I don`t know how to be myself.

I don`t know myself.I know who I am but I`m not clear of what kind of person I am.Am I kind?funny?or just plain witchy.I really take time to know people but I don`t know myself.It`s bugging my head for months now you know.Well,now I`ll just tell you all what I know about myself.My likes and dislikes.My opinions on people and how I think.

Okay,I`m the kind of girl that wants to get noticed by the people around me.I want them to know me as a cheerful,bubbly and cute.I joke around people and to make them feel cosy around me.I want them to see me and think,'Wow..I like that girl.She has style'.Sometimes,I feel so confident.I think I`m so beautiful,so stylish and also so cute (this is embarrassing) but when I look at the mirror,my mouth automatically says,'You`re ugly.You`re shameless,girl'.That`s when I feel heartbroken.

I don`t think I`m a secure person.My feelings are always at war and I don`t know what to feel.Sometimes I feel like,'This person loves me and I`ll love her too.I`ll try to be my best for her and make her feel comfy around me.' but then she broke my heart.I`m always thinking that people hate me.I always tell my bestfriend about this but I can`t take it when people ignore me and look at me with the kind of eyes that says,'What?!'.I feel hated when I see those eyes and that makes me avoid that person.I`m always trying to think,'Why would she hate me?What did I do to her?I didn`t annoy her,did I?'.I take all my thoughts back when that person talks to me like I`m a friend.I`ll feel so happy when that person does that.

I don`t like to share my feelings with people.No,not that.I feel embarrassed when I share my feelings with people.I feel like I`m so shameless.My feelings are so complicated.I don`t like people to know when I cry.I don`t like people trying to comfort me.I`ll find a corner at the right time where nobody could see me and cry.I`m not trying to brag but I do care when people share their problems with me but I don`t know how to comfort them.I only try to make them laugh with my corny jokes.

I`m never serious.I can tell you that.I can laugh when I`m crying and my bestfriends would say,'I really don`t understand you.How can you laugh when you`re crying?You sad or not?'I even can laugh when I`m mad.I`m confronting someone I`m mad at then I feel a tingle in my body that makes me laugh.The person I`m confronting would be like,'What the h*ll?!'.I just can`t control it and that`s why I can`t be an actor.I`d laugh on stage.

I`m a dreamer.My imagination is always at a high level and it never seems to go down.I could stare at someone for so long when my head is flying all over the world.I really hate that when I`m in class especially history.The teacher would say,'JiYeon(fake name)!Do you get this??'.I would always startle when she does that.Maybe she likes me,that`s why I`m so famous in her eyes.Apart from being a dreamer,I don`t know why my head is always blank.I find it hard to understand things now.This has been for a while now and I`m worried.It`s like things are a long rope with no end (the end of the rope means when I understand something).Sometimes I feel like crying about it.That`s what I get for calling others stupid just because I once was a top student.

Well,I think this is it.I don`t remember anything more about me.Please consider who I am and tell me in comment.Your cooperation is valued.